HOT DIGGITY DOG REVISITED (FROM FEBRUARY 3) – WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS ANYWAY?

(Hawkeye's note: My dad wrote this. He is a columnist for the Key West Citizen)

Well, we finally did it! We got a dog! Not just a dog like old Blue who’s been around a while and just lies there … a puppy! When you get a puppy, and I speak from great experience here, your whole life changes. When you see them comfortably nestled at the breast of their mother as a little ball of fur, you think, “Awwww, he’s so cute!” In reality, I’m not sure whether they are born Zen masters or the devil incarnate.

In any event, your life and everything that went before bringing the puppy home changes much the same way it does when you bring home your first child from the hospital. The major difference is, of course, that a puppy has been endowed by its creator, who must surely have a great sense of humor, with teeth as sharp as needles, a manic energy level on the order of a burlap bag full of alley cats and a curiosity to match.

One day you find yourself coming home from a day at the office, pouring a nice glass of red wine and sitting down comfortably to enjoy the evening air and a calm discussion of the day’s events. The next day, this changes to coming home to an immediate need of putting aside your own comfort and taking the little monster for a walk, feeding him and then making sure he is played with sufficiently so he doesn’t chew the leg off your dining room table. The rest of your evening is spent with one nervous eye on preparations for your own dinner and the other making sure your new tennis shoes don’t get chewed into a pair of sandals, or watching that the rug from the foyer isn’t dragged into some surreptitious corner of the house and ripped to shreds, or if he is leaving you a love present on the living room rug.

You can always tell someone who has a new puppy from the healing bite and cut marks from the elbows down. In the first several months of owning a puppy, never wear anything you don’t want to eventually use as a rag for washing the car because it will surely go that way with the slightest bit of inattention to the newfound joy of your puppy who will leap and snag a tooth on pants, shirts and dresses. If you have grandchildren (as I do), they should be seen in alternate, undisclosed places other than your house, otherwise they will be emotionally scarred for life as they are just the right height and temperament for a puppy to terrorize.

Of course the object in this masochistic exercise is to get a well-mannered companion who ultimately delivers on the intended promise of the relationship. While I am sure at some point (well, maybe cautiously optimistic) this will eventually happen, at the present time there is very little that the little beast will do without the bribe of a cookie. “Sit, down, stay, come,” and the like are interpreted by Hawkeye, the name of the dog in question, as “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I have a cookie for you.” Somehow, though, the message gets through and he is starting to do some of these things, even though he thinks his name is “No!”.

If there was ever a quid pro quo relationship, this has to be it. We think we are teaching the dog to do things when actually, he is reminding us of the greatest lessons in life. You don’t teach anybody anything good or lasting by yelling at them or beating them into submission. You get out of your endeavors what you put into them. Patience is a lot more difficult than it’s cracked up to be and is a lesson in itself. You learn that puppies and young children are remarkably similar in that they want to know what the boundaries are. When they are not established, the result is an unhappy youth and an even unhappier parent. You learn, in no uncertain terms, that unconditional love is one of the greatest miracles of life. Dogs, more than any other animal on the planet (that I know of), do not hold grudges, seek revenge or do things out of spite. They forgive instantaneously and always give you another chance.

Finally, you can always pretty much tell a dog’s personality from the moment you first meet them. Their lack of guile and abundant desire to please, usually causes the extreme end of their body to go frantically back and forth. When you see this and they approach you, you know he is glad to see you and, if you’re smart, you will return the affection. Like Mark Twain said, “Men and dogs are different. When you take a dog in and feed him, he will not bite you.”

In any event, the lessons being learned by both animal and parents are not what they seem. All you have to do is remind yourself of who is picking up whose poop.

Making New Friends

I had the good fortune last week of being invited to a puppy party, but I was the only puppy. I did make my very first dog friends, Reggie, a cocker spaniel and Mamie a golden retriever. I really like them both a lot. Reggie showed me around his yard and wrestled with me, which I really liked. We are about the same size....for now. Mamie on the other hand is water maniac, which is what I think my folks want me to be. I just wanted to follow her around in the water, but she swims faster, dives in the water, retrieves...she was amazing. Of course, to her I was just a little peon, but I think one day I am going to surprise her.

Identity Crises

This past Friday, I went with my parents to work. At the beginning of each month, the entire office meets to wish folks happy birthday and anniversary. It's a nice touch and would be nicer if it had been held inside since I was the only one there in a fur coat.

One of my dad's work colleagues came up to him while we headed outside and said "Cute dog. Is it a husky?" A husky? Do I look like husky? I should mention that this highly intelligent person went to Florida State University, where there is no school of veterinary medicine. Don't get mom started on FSU. However, I don't think you need a vet school to see the difference between me and a husky. They pull sleds and I ride in the back of my Doggy Ride bike buggy. They are from Siberia and I am from Scotland.

You would think with Google, people would know these things.

SWIMMING

As a retriever, I think you would be hard pressed to find a better swimming dog. Okay, the Newfoundlands are pretty amazing, but they are the size of a nuclear submarine and have you seen the slobber they leave behind? Have you ever heard anyone call a Newfie the life of the party? Retrievers, and especially Goldens are not only great swimmers, we are pretty much great at everything we do except when it comes to guarding the house.

I stupidly have now managed to fall into my swimming pool four times. I know...not cool. I think my mom was starting to think I wasn't really going to like swimming. Well, last week, the folks and I rode over to the beach and I showed them. I was a swimming fiend. Hello, where's the camera?

Yesterday we went boating. Again, I was pretty amazing in the water. I even stunned myself by jumping off the swim platform into the water. Again, the folks missed this amazing Kodak moment by leaving the camera on the boat. My dad just got an iPhone so you would think he would be better prepared.

BOATING WITH HAWKEYE

A couple posts ago, I mentioned the accomplishments of my sister Bella and brother Jameson. Needless to say, I was feeling a little low since I was pretty much only playing with my toys. Well not anymore. Yesterday, my mom and dad took me out in the boat and learned how to drive it. And yes, I am feeling pretty good about myself. Now if I could just remember my name....